Maybe it's a personal message to someone ?

No no no, it wasn't in regards to beta, all i'm saying is we are strong iindividuals with big personalities and we won't change, even if someone is " that" close to Axl.

And in regards to Beta, she is the first who must have a big personality, because she has a dutiful job for someone who also has a huge personality. Not knowing her, i can still bet she is a very strong willed person.

If i'm allowed an opinion, this is a stubborn minded people's board, and a very opiniated one at that too.

I can't imagine people changing what or who they are, not here.:beer:

I have ( ahead of me) years of trying to mend gaby, but i just can't do it alone.
It's going to take psychologists too.
I don't know where to go for advice, people in france are very cunty when it comes to what happened to him, they are in denial these sort of things can happen and do happen to children, and children as young as two.

For example, last night, i went to fetch gaby at school. He screamed and screamed for an hour, although we were out and about. Then, once he'd calmed down, he played the clown so everyone would notice him.

It's like this all the time :

Screams
I am the centre of the universe/needlove/needreassurance/lookatme

He goes into fits of anger or rage, he says no to everyone for the simplest things, he won't kiss or cuddle me anymore, it doesn't come back, he won't.

He hits other children, he purposely annoys or aggravates people, he swears, ect ect...

I just don't know what to do.

Plus, his biological father is doing the austruch ( burying his head in the sand) and gaby has not seen him for 6 weeks although he cries asking  for his daddy :

The man who hurt him is legally his dad but is not his biological father.
Gaby asks for his biological father.

I have called his father up to 10 times a day every day, sent emails.
Even his own mother tried to reassure me, but there are no news.

Gaby was hurt by the only dad he'd lived with and as close as abandonned by his biological dad who can't cope it seems.

I can't bear to see my son suffer like this a few days from being 3 years old.

And no, i won't just embark into something stupid with any odd joebob just to give him a dad, i'm not stupid.

But it breaks my soul not being able to soothe my son.

If i lived in an ideal world, i'd win the euro lottery, take him away to some isolated place and apart from school and friends, spend all my life trying to mend his little soul, protected from the rest of the world.

I feel so sad...For him. And the only place i can talk about it is on the net because i have to pretend being permanently strong and happy for him.

I do understand though.

I will never compare, but i have written stories, some are as old as 10 years now and i haven't shown them to editors. Some close ones tell me i am pathetic and should, but fear is fear and insecurity is deeper than the love  i am shown or the trust in my golden little hands as some say.

I am ever so glad axl surpassed this.
Because he is now free to move on.

And free to consider himself an artist in his own right, without the band that made him hugely successfull.

At long last.

If it hadn't happened, maybe we would not have missed a thing, but axl would have missed the road to his own self.
This would have been the deepest pity.