Oh dammit, you want weird, i'll give you weird :

In March 2003, my father had a cerebral attack and was rushed to the emergencies by helicopter ( hell, the firebrigade does emergencies here, they took 45 mn to get to the house because dad lived up on top of his mountain with roads so narrow that no one could drive fast...they tried to revive him FOR 4 HOURS and when he was stabilized, a heli was called in and he was transported to Geneva in switzerland)

To cut a long story short-er, after coming out of IC after a week, he was diagnosed with a double brain tumor, primary and secondary ( 1 person in a million) and the doctors decided with his agreement to operate.

20 mn after the operation, he had convulsions and 6 hours later, his brain was declared dead.

He was an organ donor, so he was kept alive on an intubator.

That's where weird comes in ( well, some was before but too long) :

I go to the hospital in Geneva to see my dad, whose brain was already dead.
My mother says " it's ok jessie, you can touch him, he is dead" ( yeah, well, mum is a bit weird in how she says things).
I was very tormented, i didn't know how to react, i could see my dad lying there and didn't know what to do, he seemed so peaceful.
Anyway, i reply to mum " NO ! He is NOT dead, i can FEEL "him"".

So mum says " can you ?"

I say " yes, i sense him there, sorry mum, he is NOT gone, he is there".

After a while, we go back home, waiting to hear about the doctors and wether they found people to receive organs or not.

On the second night home, PRECISELY AT 1.01 am, i wake the whole house up SCREAMING

" My throat hurts my throat hurts, i can't breathe with a suffocating sound" and i scream to mum in tears
" That's it, he is gone mum, he is gone !!"

As usual , i freak people out and everyone tells me i had a nightmare and to go back to sleep.

At 10 am that morning, the hospital calls.

Mum speaks and hangs up, turns around to me, then to the others and says
" they took the tubes out of your father at 1.00 am this morning and he was officially declared dead at 1.01 am"

In the house, the big clock's glass window broke that night and the time stopped ..on 1.01 am.

His favorite watch ( i have it with me), the one he was wearing, stopped working that night too, on 1.01 am.

I have some more concerning the rest after, but it makes me emotionnal.

Oh no, the clown james !! no no !

You probably had a child ghost, playing with it..

Oh how sad, didn't you get it ?

Poor little one..He/she is probably still there ..

If you loose your fear one day, go and buy a cuddly toy, bring it there and tell the people who live there to LEAVE the toy there, whatever happens.

Oh how sad..

I don't feel like sharing my stories tonight although i have plenty, buti feel like telling you that ALL children are sensitive to " presences".

Gabriel laughs a lot with one, he says there is a man in the bedroom but is not scared and the other day, he waved bye bye and since i was always " sensitive", i asked him who he was saying bye to and he replied " man and baby".

So i told him we have some family looking over and that he should sleep and I asked them to come early enough to he doesn't get his sleep mixed up.

It probably feels weird to act that way to most people, but kids see and hear, and i don't want to deny my son what my mother denied me.

I would have been much better off if she had acted as if it were normal, especially since her family is so " sensitive" that every generation has an oddball or two.

I know, it's where he rooted himself, but it's kind of aggravating knowing he is putting himself in danger so many times and every year.

Didn't he get almost burnt a few years back ?

i'm still sad this morning, a sort of " that's it so, you've finally accepted what i was wanting", the road now truly has two separate roads and it feels a bit scary, because everything ahead of me is blank, has to be written into the unknown.

I don't have friends anymore, i don't have a job yet and no relationship.

And we will probably be moving to a place where i never lived before too.

I should feel excited, but i just feel empty..