Dunno, thing is, it wasn't supposed to out..

If it had been just acting, why the fuss ?

The tums is special effects, so why the fuss ?

Nah, i think there is a reality to the hair loss..

Actually, my mother is an alcoholic, has been (in my memory) since i was about 10 years old ( that also coincides with dates in my life i'd rather forget, but i wonder wether her alcoholism triggered events in my life or if it were the events that triggered her alcoholism ? ).

Anyway, it went more and more until one day, she fell down the home stairs, coughing up blood.

That didn't make her stop.

" One day, i had invited a gay male friend over for diner, and as usual, she was highly embarassing, boasting about my sex life to him ( as if he cared, he is gay ( as if she knew anyway lol)).
I got so angry that i thought " that's IT" and went upstairs using the " ladies" excuse and went to my dad's office to get the voice recorder.

I hid it under the table for the rest of the evening, recording.

The next morning, as soon as she got up, i played it to her.

She got very violent, told me i was lying, that i had mixed it to sound like she had said it ( I did music mixing then, i am a woman of many talents lol).

I had to slap her to calm her down and told her that i knew she wouldn't remember, knew she would call me liar and that now, i had PROOF to show to people ( there is nothing she fears more than having her reputation crushed, although she never realised how goofy and embarassing she had always been anyway, she is a calamity, i am truly ashamed of my mother, it doesn't go away and i tried my very best)

Once she calmed down, we prepared for work, as she was brocanting and i had come back from england so i worked with her.

I was so upset a fellow woman brocanter asked me what was wrong, and i confided.

Next thing i know, she takes my mother to a brasserie for coffee for the pause.

After coming home from work, in the afternoon, my mother pops out.

I was worried she would out to go drinking or something, she would actually do this at the time.

She came back hours later, accompanied by the fellow woman brocanter.

This woman came over to me, sat me down as mum looked embarassed and told me :

" I have just become your mother's AA " godmother".

From then, she went better.

I had spoken to an alcoholic without knowing, and she got mum to try and cure herself.

Mum still drinks, always will, but i hope never to the point of almost dying like she once did.

My brother drinks too much too.

I did drink a lot too, between 17 and 19, but i was extremely lucky to be taken to the emergencies in a coma for a kidney infection that year and i saw women who had drink problems and what it had done to them.
Although i had been to hospital, it wasn't because of drinking.
But i told myself i would never drink again while there and i did not touch alcohol at all for 4 years following this event.
Since, i drink extremely rarely. I don't even like alcohol really.
The fear of hurting my kidneys was bigger than anything and still is.
I don't know when i"ll go, but i don't want to go in pains.

Sorry guys, i know i spoke a lot there, but it needed to come out.

I have three addictions :

food as i am bullimic, so i gain a LOT of weight in my bullimia phases and have to go on long proper diets to loose the weight afterwards.
I hate myself when i open the fridge or a cupboard and eat anything i find to fill me.
But i accept it and know weight can be lost.
I prefer to eat rather than become depressive or violent, which i could do if i had no other alternative.

Tobacco, i started smoking at 10 years old and quit twice already, both times for a year, i was good without and both times, difficult emotionnal downs made me start again.
I feel bad about it because of many reasons.

Toxic relationships, but this is on the mend.

Although i think Jarmo does a good job, he goes to extremes lately, too much into censureship, also, he has become very sharp tongued, almost nasty, maybe pretentious ?

Is meeting Axl on and off the reason why Jarmo has changed so much over the past year ?