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strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:

Thought this would be a cool thing to have. Basically post lyrics you write so you can get some opinions on them. Guessing it would go in here? If not then please move it to where it would go.

ok this is a song I'm working on called All That You Love Will Be Carried Away.
Verse1:
You tore my heart apart
piece by piece
The red confetti fell
you smiled as it hit the ground
they fade and you leave
I'm now a shell of what I used to be
Chorus:
And all that you love
will be carried away
with the wind of denial
you heart will give way
You'll then know the feeling
you gave me that day
As all that you loved
is carried away


Got the All that you love... line from the short story be Stephen King.
Was feeling a bit melancholy when I wrote this. And I accidentally made the mistake of sending this to the chick I wrote it about at about 1 oclock this morning when we were talking, before I realized the causes it might have hmm

Oh well. So any opinions/reviews? It's not finished btw.  still need to write a few more verses.

Rex
 Rep: 50 

Re: Song Writing Thread

Rex wrote:

It sounds pretty cool.  I like how you just wrote what you felt and didn't try try to make the whole thing rhyme.  That shit kills a song sometimes.

Here's something I wrote recently

Floating through space
No perception of time
Stumbling through blackness
Not even stars shine

Is this what happens when you die
I look down, but see no loved ones cry
I wonder, are they missing me
Enclosed in a prison of blackness
Though at the same time I'm free

Free to float through the astral river
Is this my fate for eternity
No I must get it together
Unless I wish to remain here forever

Please, please take my hand
Is somebody out there
Won't you show me the way

Please, please take my hand
Is there somebody out there
I do not wish to stay

A light at the end
Could I be on the path
To be blessed in God's glory and be spared Hell's wrath

No, it's not my time
I must remain behind
I must find the way to my skin
Before it's too late

I will not return only to be shown
That my body has been buried before a cold stone

BLS-Pride
 Rep: 208 

Re: Song Writing Thread

BLS-Pride wrote:

I have over 30 lyrics some with music some with out.. here are three

The Untitled

I could sit here all night and day
I would listen to all you have to say
How it's the same and nothing will change
But you don't know me
So how could you expect to see
The sights my eyes have seen
And the events that have made me this lean
Sometimes I can't help but be mean
Angry at a world I have never even seen
As I rummage through the wreckage of me
I just hope one day to come and see
The answers I so desperately need
For me to let go of the old me

I am playing no games
My inner beast I am trying to tame
But this is me for all too see
So just take it in and let it be

You need to take a moment and let it sink
The words that I so often speak
Always about me as I take you in and let you peak
It's not for pity, For it's the answers I seek
I expose my inner thoughts for all too see
As my emotions flow I let myself go
I can see it all, What's inside of me
To tell my story for a world too hear
Another lost soul on life's express way
Looking for the answers, like hitching a ride
Dodging the tide and trying to follow through
Getting rid of you and all the wreckage too
These skeletons and baggage that follow me

I am playing no games
My inner beast I am trying to tame
But this is me for all too see
So just take it in and let it be

Everyone claiming to be
Everything I am as I let you see
The false hope and riddles of sorrow and pain
A desperate man just trying to stay sane
Broken life, dirty women, and cheap cocaine
No one to talk too not even my own blood
But my pen is born through this very life
As I trade stories that cut me open like a knife
But you see it's all for my personal gain
You see I need this as I just open up and take aim
I let it go and I feel that sudden rush so fast
As I expose all of my grief and pain from my past
A burden has lifted and just like that I am free

Can't you see...

This is no game for me
And I seek no fame
All I want is to clear my name
Of all these beasts I have yet come to tame

----------

My World so Cold

What's Wrong? 
Are the nights too long?
In a world so cold
Just let it go
(Let go)

I move slowly with in the shadows
Often do I make a start for the gallows
Where have I gone? Have you seen me?

Oh I was never told
(Never told)

Self loathing and depression
Not my ideal first impression
We all have problems with no way to solve em
But my mind is a weapon against myself and that's a problem
No one knows but it frightens me
I try to see, but they blind me
I start to think and it takes off

What's Wrong? 
In a world so cold
Just let it go
(Let go)

So I let go and feel the release
Of the demon feast
Thoughts start to race with no slow up
Voices so loud, a general and bishop
I can feel something darker growing near
I'll try to run but find it hard to scream
Start to think and you take off

To the world so cold
Where no will go
(No one will go)

The gallows now play a much different part
I see with new eyes and feel my blackheart
Hanging back and forth you start to go
Listen to the crow and sparrow flow
The eternal scarecrow you will become
You'll try to see but find it hard to breath
See what happens when I take off?

-----
Alter State

Whiskey and weed
Oh where does this lead
Down in the gutter
Trouble speaking without a stutter

Hallucinogens and poppin pills
Waking up and always feeling ill
So much burbon and still can't quench my thirst
Oh which vice will kill me first

I live through my alter state
It's just seems to be my fate
I live through my alter state
There's nothing more that I hate

I see only through the darkness of my shades
Especially until that afternoon sun fades
Like a mouse running through it's wheel
This life of mine they have come to steal

Take me away to my alter state
Let me walk that line of fate
Hook line and sinker I took the bait

Rehab and meetings can't seem to help
I can't seem to break the cycle myself
I scream out for help but no one hears my shouts
That's when I reach for my only out

I live through my alter state
It just seems to be my fate
I live through my alter state
There's nothing more I hate

Just stay away
You could never understand
It's just the way I am
Walking my line of fate
Living my days in an alter state.

strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:

See that's my problem BLS. Since I'm trying to do this whole band thing I've been writing alot. I think it comes with new experiences, and just having more free time, but I haven't put music to any of them yet. I've got a notebook about half full right now. I don't know how to go about putting music to them though. I mean what do I start with? Writing a melody?

And btw, those are amazing lyrics, both of you smile

Wish my writing was that good.
And also either of you have anything to recommend on variety? Most of the songs I've wrote lately seem to center on love or heartbreak. And occasionaly anger.

Oh and here's another one. I've actually got a few verse riffs I'm messing around with for this one. It's gonna have some gritty Pantera-esque vocals.

Dead hearts all around you
you tried to read it but the teardrops hide it
you tried to see but those blood stains on the window blur the light.

who do you think cares about you
those who picks you up or
those who run you into the ground

[Chorus]
You think you've seen it all
You think you've won the war
You ain't seen a damn thing
You need to step out the door
[Chorus]

I've tried to be the calm one
bottle up the need to hurt somebody
I need to clear these feelings
before I just snap

Who do you think I am
I'm not some mindless soldier

Look at you run away now
scared of your own shadow

BLS-Pride
 Rep: 208 

Re: Song Writing Thread

BLS-Pride wrote:

Thanks dude. What I do is I think about my life or events I have gone through and I start putting it to song then I have a good sense of melody so I can put my feelings into words and find the melody in what I want to write or get across.

Write what you feel or about an event that happened to you or a friend or family member. I have a few with a religious topic and some about dirty women and I do have songs about heartbreak and love too. A lot of the songs bout drug use and anger. It just all depends on what you want to say really. Start with an idea and start playing on it with other words and phrases so it flows together and keeps on topic.

I liked what you posted. It flowed nicely and I was able to attach a simple melody to the words as I read them.

strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:
BLS-Pride wrote:

Thanks dude. What I do is I think about my life or events I have gone through and I start putting it to song then I have a good sense of melody so I can put my feelings into words and find the melody in what I want to write or get across.

Write what you feel or about an event that happened to you or a friend or family member. I have a few with a religious topic and some about dirty women and I do have songs about heartbreak and love too. A lot of the songs bout drug use and anger. It just all depends on what you want to say really. Start with an idea and start playing on it with other words and phrases so it flows together and keeps on topic.

I liked what you posted. It flowed nicely and I was able to attach a simple melody to the words as I read them.

Yeah. I mean I use a Stephen King style of writing lol. I'll get an image or a line that just pops into my head and so I write it down. Usually I can add alot to it, but sometimes It'll just be like one or two lines so I just save it and come back to it.

I find it weird but alot of the songs I write usually are based around a melody of another song. But I always forget that melody after i write and then end up coming up with an original one lol

strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:

another thing i wrote a few days ago. workin on it still

Think you're the big man dontcha
think you can run this show
Well too bad I'm sorry to tell you
This fight ain't just for show
You swing as hard as you can
I laugh right in your face
get ready to delve into a
a new world of pain

Chorus
you think you know it all
you think your mr. big
I'm about to show you what life is
I'll put you in your place

strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:

ok folks. Here's another one I just wrote, and it's actually a complete piece.

Behind the smile
is that fear?
or tears falling
on the shattered glass
you try to pick up
trembling
afraid of what will happen
the night of screaming
the night of fighting
that you must surely face

they walk off
hustle and bustle
on the streets
a city that never sleeps
people who's lives never stop

Behind the smile
is that love?
pure and true
the love of a youth
not yet knowing
the pain
that life surely brings
the dissapointment
the sorrow
and maybe...

They'll stop
and tell you their tale
give you some insight on life
something that just might
make you understand

Behind the smile
is that pain?
a life once enjoyable
turned excruciating
by the one
she though she could trust
betrayed by the one
that they thought cared
who used and abused
and then faded away

In her smile
theirs also hope
hope for a cure
for all of life's pain
and the lies she thought true

Behind the frown
theres nothing to see
no hard life to live
no pain to endure
No sorrow to hold
no reason for depression
a good life
a good family
yet all of these things
are somehow there

the most puzzling of all
no reason to frown
every reason to smile
I see it everyday
the face in the mirror


It's a self reflective piece, about why I feel the way I do when so many people have a life much harder, much worse than mine.

BLS-Pride
 Rep: 208 

Re: Song Writing Thread

BLS-Pride wrote:

I like it dude. Keep on writing. Heres another one of mine.

Edit: My newest one and it's a reflection piece. First thing I have written since being sober.


Looking in my book of memories
I realize I never needed these
To feel so alive inside
It's a feeling you know I just can't hide

Watch the ashes blow in the wind
Along with the pain and endless sin
If I'm ever gonna survive
I need to take a hint and feel alive
Too many times I drowned in all
In sorrow and alcohol
But these days are fresh as spring
And this is the song I'm going to sing

Looking in my book of memories
I realized I never needed these
To make me feel alive inside
It's a feeling you know I just can't hide

Magic little pills use to light up my eyes
Take a look inside and you might be surprised
Like a mighty phoenix I have came too be
Everything in me you have wished too see
Took the falls and hardships in stride
Walking tall with all my pride
This battle is over and a king is crowned
For these hands will no longer be bound

I never needed these
To feel alive like I do
No I never needed this
I'm alive and sober too
Walking the line one day at a time

My eyes are wide
No fear inside
Demons no longer breathing
With my anger no longer feeding
The storm has settled and the sun will shine
I took the time and focused my eye
I claim my prize with all my pride
I faced high tide and broke on through

Here's to a new, I just hope I stay true (stay true)

strat0
 Rep: 13 

Re: Song Writing Thread

strat0 wrote:

Wrote this the other day.

Why do we try?
Why Do we Fall
why do we do it
when we know
we're gonna lose it all
why do we laugh
In these times of sorrow
why don't we light up
These dark nights
and see the unknown
the future
that turns into our past
the events
that we always try to look past
to forgive and forget
and live life
in the only way we can
one day at a time
one foot in the present
and one in the past

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